Episode 18: 10 Ways to Nurture Intimacy in the Chaos of Raising Kids
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Remember when date nights were spontaneous, and intimacy didn’t have to be squeezed between diaper changes and snack breaks? Yeah, us too. Life with young kids is beautiful chaos—but it doesn’t mean your love life has to fade into the background.
If your relationship feels more like a roommate situation lately, or you’re wondering where the spark went, this is your gentle (and slightly spicy) reminder: it’s still in there. You just might need to dig it out from under the laundry pile.
Here are 10 ways to keep intimacy alive when little ones take over your home—and your energy.
1. Reframe Intimacy Beyond Sex
Intimacy isn’t just about getting naked. It’s about connection—eye contact across the room, a random kiss while you’re cooking dinner, or flirty texts that make your partner blush (even when they’re just in the next room). Little moments count, and they build up over time.
2. Plan Mini Dates at Home
No sitter? No problem. Wait until the kids are asleep, light a candle, pour something delicious, and have a date in your own space. Watch a show together (and take advantage of the commercial breaks), share dessert, or just sit and talk—no phones allowed.
3. Embrace the Nap Time Quickie
You don’t need a full evening for intimacy. Sometimes five minutes and a little lube is all you need. Be open to quick connections when the moment presents itself—just make sure the door’s locked, or at least invent a good cover story (like folding laundry… wink).
4. Communicate Openly About Needs and Desires
This one’s big. Talk about what you want, what’s missing, and how you’re feeling. If one of you is always initiating, speak up about how that feels. And if you’re touched out or exhausted, find ways to reconnect that feel safe and comforting—without pressure.
5. Keep the Playfulness Alive
Flirty texts, inside jokes, pet names, surprise notes—playful intimacy goes a long way. One of our favorites? Sticky notes left in unexpected places or text codes for “laundry folding” (you get it). It’s about having something that’s just yours as a couple.
6. Make the Bedroom a Kid-Free Zone
Try to keep your bedroom from becoming a laundry graveyard or toy storage unit. You don’t have to renovate—just clear the clutter, add a soft blanket, and set a no-kid rule after a certain time. It makes a difference in how you show up for each other.
7. Use Outsourcing (and Screens!) to Create Alone Time
Don’t be afraid to lean on babysitters, kid swaps with friends, or even screen time. That 30-minute show can give you the window to reconnect or enjoy some uninterrupted adult conversation—or more.
8. Redefine What a Romantic Gesture Looks Like
Sometimes the sexiest thing your partner can do is the dishes—without being asked or announcing it like a Nobel Prize moment. Paying attention to your needs (and remembering your coffee order) is hot. Emotional connection is the ultimate foreplay.
9. Keep Sex Fun, Not a Chore
It’s okay to schedule it. Seriously. Think of it like planning a vacation—something to look forward to. Try new things, experiment with toys, change the location. If it ends in laughter because the dog jumped on the bed or the lamp got kicked over, even better.
10. Ditch the Perfection Pressure
Some weeks, you’ll be on fire. Other times, you’ll barely remember to shower. That’s normal. Intimacy comes in waves, and it’s okay if you’re not crushing it every day. Give yourself (and your partner) some grace. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection.
Final Thoughts
Keeping intimacy alive with young kids is a challenge—but it’s also a choice. One that gets easier when you let go of expectations, focus on small moments, and find joy in each other, even during the messy seasons of life.
Whether it’s a steamy moment during nap time or a quiet cuddle on the couch, it all matters. Because when the kids are grown and the house is quiet again, you’ll be glad you kept that flame alive.