Female Masturbation: What Nobody Ever Taught You
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For many women, masturbation wasn't something anyone talked about.
There were no conversations about pleasure, anatomy, or learning what felt good. Instead, many of us grew up with silence, shame, or the assumption that we'd somehow figure it out on our own.
The truth is that masturbation isn't just about having an orgasm. It's one of the best ways to understand your body, build sexual confidence, and improve intimacy with a partner.
If you've ever wondered why it feels inconsistent, why it takes so long, or why it sometimes doesn't work at all, you're definitely not alone.
Your brain matters just as much as your body
One of the biggest themes we discussed is that arousal starts in the brain.
If you're mentally running through tomorrow's to-do list, worrying about how long it's taking, or feeling pressured to reach orgasm quickly, your body often can't fully relax enough to enjoy the experience.
For some women, imagination plays a huge role.
Others, like Amber, experience aphantasia, meaning they don't create mental images in their mind. That can make fantasy-based arousal difficult, which is why external stimulation like audio, ethical pornography, music, or other sensory experiences may be much more effective.
There isn't one "right" way to become aroused.
Slow down
One of the biggest mistakes many women make is treating masturbation like a race.
Instead of immediately going straight to the most sensitive area, try allowing your body time to build anticipation.
Things to experiment with include:
- starting with external touch
- using lighter pressure before increasing intensity
- changing speed and rhythm
- alternating movement with steady pressure
- letting your hips move naturally
- exploring different positions
- edging instead of rushing toward orgasm
Your body responds to novelty. Doing the exact same thing every time can eventually make pleasure feel less responsive.
Stop trying to "win"
Many women unintentionally switch into goal mode.
The moment your thoughts become:
"Why is this taking so long?"
or
"What's wrong with me?"
your attention leaves your body.
Pleasure usually works best when you're focused on sensation instead of performance.
Instead of chasing orgasm, stay curious about what actually feels good.
Ironically, removing the pressure often makes orgasm easier.
Create an environment your body actually enjoys
Your surroundings matter more than most people realize.
Consider things like:
- warm baths or showers
- dim lighting
- relaxing music
- waterproof toys
- comfortable bedding
- privacy
- reducing distractions
Think about creating an experience rather than simply checking something off your list.
Your body changes
If your experience feels different from one week to the next, there may be a reason.
Hormones throughout your menstrual cycle can change sensitivity, desire, and even how penetration feels.
Medication can also play a significant role.
Some antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications are well known for affecting libido and orgasm. If you've noticed changes after starting medication, don't be afraid to discuss it with your healthcare provider. There are often alternatives worth exploring.
Practice really does matter
One of the biggest takeaways from this episode is that pleasure isn't something you're either born knowing or not.
Like any skill, learning your body takes time.
The more familiar you become with what feels good, the easier it becomes to communicate that with a partner, explore new experiences, and build confidence in your sexuality.
There's no perfect technique.
Only what works for you.
Watch the full episode
👉 Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ilfBKIAqRz4