Forget the Alphabet Trick—Here’s What Actually Works in Oral Sex

When it comes to oral sex, most people are doing what they think their partner wants—often based on what they've seen in porn or heard from a friend. But let’s get real: most of that doesn’t translate into real pleasure. In this unapologetic breakdown, we’re laying out what actually works, what to avoid, and why communication beats technique every single time.

🚫 Let’s Talk About What Doesn’t Work

Many women have had that moment—the one that lives rent-free in their head for all the wrong reasons. Maybe it was jackhammer-style finger work that felt more like stuffing a turkey than intimacy. Or maybe it was oral so aggressive it felt like someone was trying to win a race, not give pleasure.

The common thread? A lack of communication and paying attention.

🔥 Myth: Oral Sex Is Just Foreplay

Reality check: Oral sex is sex. Calling it foreplay downplays how essential it is—especially since 70–90% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. That’s not a bonus move. That’s the main event for most vulva owners.

And no, “the alphabet trick” isn’t universally effective. Same goes for spelling coconut with your hips. What works for one person might be a total miss for another.

💬 Why Communication Is the Real MVP

You don’t need a magic move. You need to listen—to words, moans, breath, and body movements. Is she nudging to the left? Take the hint. Is she breathing heavier? Stay the course. This isn’t the time to switch it up—consistency over chaos wins every time.

If you're not sure, ask. Or better yet, encourage your partner to show you what feels good. There's nothing hotter than confidence and consent.

💡 Pro Tips for Oral That Hits Right

• Start slow. Go wide before going in.
  
• Don’t go straight for the clit. Build up to it. Use hands, thighs, even the lower belly to tease and explore.
  
• Stay consistent. If she’s close, don’t change it up.
  
• Use affirming language. “I love it when you…” is way sexier (and less jarring) than “Don’t do that.”
  
• Talk outside the bedroom. If the vibe feels awkward mid-action, save the feedback for a post-intimacy check-in.
  
• Respect the “no.” Whether it’s about oral altogether or a specific move, no is a full sentence. Full stop.
  
  

❤️ Not Everyone Loves It—And That’s Okay

Some people love giving or receiving oral. Some don’t. And some are somewhere in between. Body image, past experiences, or trauma can all play a role—and that’s valid. You and your partner don’t have to love the same things, but you do need to talk about them openly and with respect.

The bottom line: stop trying to impress. Start trying to connect.