Redefining Masculinity

Let’s talk about masculinity — the kind that holds space, shows up with empathy, and actually empties the garbage without being asked (yes, that happened and yes, it was hot).

Masculinity has long been defined by traits like toughness, stoicism, dominance, and the idea that “real men” don’t cry, don’t ask questions, and certainly don’t play with toys in the bedroom. But what if we’ve been sold a lie? What if all that old-school, emotionless “strong silent type” stuff is actually holding men — and the rest of us — back?

Here’s the truth: toxic masculinity affects everyone. Men, women, families, relationships, even our sex lives. It shows up when people are taught to suppress their emotions, when vulnerability is seen as weakness, and when aggression is mistaken for strength.

But let’s be real — a man who knows how to communicate, express his feelings, and still takes charge when needed? That’s modern masculinity. And it's kind of irresistible.

The Soft Side of Strength

We’re seeing more men embracing their emotional intelligence — showing up for their families, checking in when their partner's having a rough day, or surprising them with coffee and a smile cookie just because. It’s not about being less masculine. It’s about being more complete.

One of us shared a moment where her husband just noticed she’d had a tough night, and without needing to be asked, he made sure she woke up to something comforting. It wasn’t flashy. It wasn’t expensive. But it was thoughtful, intuitive, and powerful. That’s real strength.

But Wait — Do Women Have Toxic Masculinity Too?

Yep. We’re not off the hook here.

That knee-jerk “ugh, too emotional” reaction when someone opens up? That voice inside that craves dominance while simultaneously demanding emotional availability? Or that stubborn “I don’t need help, I’ve got this” independence that refuses to let anyone in?

Those are all ways we can perpetuate the same toxic expectations we say we want to eliminate. The truth is, we’ve all absorbed some of this messaging — and it’s our responsibility to unlearn it, too.

Masculinity in the Bedroom

Now let’s head to the bedroom for a second.

Many men grow up believing that using toys or exploring new kinds of pleasure is somehow a threat to their manhood. But when we break down those barriers — when we normalize things like backdoor play, shared exploration, or even just asking your partner what they like — the results can be transformative.

One story shared in this convo? Picture big, burly biker dudes at a couples' event, fully engaged and excited about exploring pleasure — yes, including anal play. And guess what? That’s confidence. That’s a man who knows who he is and isn’t afraid of what anyone else thinks.

What Does Mordern Masculinity Look Like?

• He notices what makes you smile and does more of it.
• He listens. Not just with his ears — with his actions.
• He’s not threatened by your independence, but he also knows how to lead.
• He communicates. He asks. He checks in.
• He’s not afraid to learn, evolve, and challenge what he was taught.

And maybe most importantly? He creates space for other men to do the same.

Why It Matters

Traditional masculinity isn’t just outdated — it’s dangerous. It disconnects men from their emotions, their partners, and sometimes even their own pleasure. It teaches silence over speaking up, control over connection, and shame over softness.

But there’s another way forward.

We’re not here to bash men. We’re here to back them — to encourage growth, to challenge what doesn’t serve them anymore, and to make room for a kind of masculinity that includes tenderness, self-awareness, and strength.

Because a man who knows himself, feels deeply, and loves out loud? That’s not weak — it’s magnetic.