We Need To Talk About Masturbation

Most people figure out masturbation long before they ever understand their own body.

And then… nobody talks about it again. 

For something so common, masturbation is still surrounded by awkwardness, silence, shame, and misinformation, especially for women. Many people learned about it in secrecy, rushed through it, or treated it like something embarrassing instead of something connected to body awareness, stress relief, and pleasure.

The reality is that pleasure changes throughout life, and most of us were never taught that.

Watch our podcast Episode on Masturbation

Why So Many Women Feel Weird About Masturbation

A lot of women grew up hearing messages like:

• “Good girls don’t do that.”
• “That’s private.”
• “Don’t touch yourself.”

Even when sex education existed, conversations about self-pleasure were usually skipped entirely. That silence taught generations of women that masturbation was something hidden instead of something normal.

Meanwhile, men were often given completely different messaging. Male masturbation became the butt of jokes, but it was still acknowledged openly in culture and media. Women’s pleasure, on the other hand, stayed quiet.

That silence matters.

Because when people never learn how their own body works, they often grow into adulthood disconnected from their pleasure and uncomfortable communicating about it.

Your Body Changes Over Time

One of the biggest myths about pleasure is that once you figure out what works, that’s it forever.

Not true.

Bodies change constantly due to:

• aging
• stress
• hormones
• childbirth
• medications
• menopause
• health conditions
• emotional wellbeing

What worked in your 20s may feel completely different in your 40s or 50s.

That’s why exploration matters.

A lot of people fall into routines where they use the same pressure, same position, same habits, and same techniques for years without ever trying something different. There’s comfort in familiarity, but there’s also value in curiosity.

Sometimes your body needs something new.

Masturbation Is More Than Orgasms

Yes, orgasms feel good.

But masturbation is also connected to:

• stress relief
• nervous system regulation
• better sleep
• body awareness
• tension release
• confidence
• communication in relationships

For many people, self-pleasure can help reconnect them to their body during stressful or overwhelming periods of life.

And honestly? Midlife stress is real.

Women especially spend decades prioritizing everyone else first: kids, partners, work, family responsibilities, caregiving, and emotional labor. Taking time for yourself can feel selfish when it absolutely should not.

Pleasure is not selfish.

Learning Your Body Helps Your Relationships Too

A partner cannot magically know what feels good to you if you don’t know either.

That’s why self-exploration matters in relationships.

Understanding your body makes it easier to:

• communicate with partners
• guide intimacy
• reduce pressure
• build confidence
• improve sexual experiences

And if talking openly feels awkward, that’s okay too. Communication doesn’t always need to happen face-to-face in serious conversations. Sometimes humor, texting, guiding physically, or playful conversations create safer ways to open the door.

Healthy intimacy is built on communication, not mind reading.

Masturbation Doesn’t Replace Intimacy

One of the biggest misconceptions in relationships is the idea that masturbation means something is missing.

It doesn’t.

People in healthy relationships still masturbate. Sometimes it’s about stress relief. Sometimes it’s convenience. Sometimes it’s exploration. Sometimes it’s simply wanting time alone with yourself.

Self-pleasure is not competition.

In fact, many people find it actually improves intimacy because it reduces pressure and increases understanding of what feels good.

It’s Time To Stop Feeling Guilty

For many women, the biggest barrier to pleasure is guilt.

Guilt for taking time.
Guilt for wanting pleasure.
Guilt for exploring.
Guilt for communicating needs.
Guilt for prioritizing themselves.

But the one relationship you will have your entire life is the relationship with yourself.

You deserve to feel connected to your own body without shame, without rushing, and without feeling like pleasure is something you need permission for.

Because honestly?

Nobody should still be carrying shame about something completely normal.

Shop items mentioned in episode: 

USA - Inya Rose and Secret Clit comparable 

Canada: Liberty 2 and Secret Clit