What’s on Your F*ck It List? Fantasies, Curiosity & Better Sex

What’s on Your F*ck It List?

Forget the bucket list for a minute.

Sure, skydiving sounds exciting. Seeing Paris would be nice. Swimming with dolphins? Great.

But when was the last time you made a list of things you’d like to experience in your **sex life**?

We’re calling it your F*ck It List, and no, it doesn’t have to include a dungeon, three additional people and something you need to sign a waiver for.

A sexual bucket list is really about curiosity.

What have you always wondered about? What would you like to try? What turns you on in fantasy but might never make it into real life? What would make you feel more confident, connected or desired?

That’s what we got into on this episode of Taboo Talk: Not Safe for Brunch, and you can watch or listen to the full conversation here.

But before you start writing your list, there’s one thing you need to know.

Fantasy Does Not Equal Desire

Having a fantasy does not automatically mean you want it to happen.

That distinction matters.

You can find something incredibly hot in your imagination and still think, “Absolutely fucking not,” if somebody actually offered you the opportunity.

Fantasy gives your brain permission to play without real-world consequences.

Maybe you fantasize about a threesome but know jealousy would hit you like a truck afterward. Maybe something you’ve watched in porn turns you on, but you’d never want to experience it yourself. Maybe you love reading spicy books involving situations, people or apparently even creatures that you have zero interest in encountering in real life.

And that is completely okay.

Your F*ck It List can have different categories:

Things I fantasize about.
Things I might actually try.
Things I definitely want to try.
Things that are staying safely inside my imagination.

You don't have to turn every thought into an action item.

Do You Have to Tell Your Partner Every Fantasy?

Nope.

Communication is incredibly important in a relationship, but that doesn't mean your partner needs unrestricted access to every thought your brain has ever produced.

Some fantasies can be fun to share. They can lead to great conversations, new ideas and a better understanding of what turns each of you on.

Others might create insecurity or hurt feelings without accomplishing anything useful.

Before sharing something, ask yourself why you're telling them.

Do you want to explore it together?

Do you simply want them to know you better?

Are you hoping talking about it will turn both of you on?

Or are you dropping information into the relationship that your partner can't unhear?

You are allowed to have a private imagination.

Start Your F*ck It List Without Going From Zero to Dungeon

When people hear “sexual bucket list,” they often assume everything on it needs to be outrageous.

It doesn't.

Start ridiculously simple.

Would you have sex somewhere other than your bedroom?

Is there a toy you've been curious about?

Would you read erotic fiction together?

Would you try role-playing?

Would you make out like teenagers again?

Would you try mutual massage?

Would you have sex at a completely different time of day?

Would you take a couples intimacy workshop?

Would you visit a kink-friendly event or adult show simply to see what exists?

Would you recreate your first date?

Would you spend a weekend together with the phones put away?

One question can lead to another, and suddenly you're learning things about the person you've been sleeping beside for 10, 20 or 30 years.

That's the point.

Trying Something New Doesn't Mean Saying Yes to Everything

Exploration only works when both people actually want to participate.

Enthusiasm from one partner can very quickly start feeling like pressure to the other person.

This becomes especially important when fantasies involve other people, swinging, threesomes, kink or anything else that could affect the emotional safety of the relationship.

Before doing something big, don't just talk about what could go right.

Ask:

What are our boundaries?

What happens if one of us becomes uncomfortable?

Can either of us stop things immediately?

What happens afterward?

And, as Vicki put it during our conversation, what's the repair plan if this goes south?

Because sometimes people discover that something sounded much hotter before actual human emotions got involved.

Your F*ck It List Can Be Emotional Too

This might be the most overlooked part of the whole conversation.

Your sexual bucket list doesn't need to contain a single wild sexual act.

Maybe yours includes:

Feeling comfortable naked with the lights on.

Initiating sex without being terrified of rejection.

Asking for what you want without embarrassment.

Having a conversation about sex without it turning awkward.

Feeling completely desired.

Being able to hear “not tonight” without feeling personally rejected.

Having an orgasm with your partner.

Feeling safe enough to relax during sex instead of worrying about how your stomach looks or what your body is doing.

Those things count.

In fact, after years of talking about sexual wellness, some of the experiences people value most aren't necessarily the wildest ones.

They're the ones where they felt the most connected.

And Yes, You Are Still Allowed to Want Things After 40

One of our favourite parts of this conversation was talking about how much confidence can change with age.

At 20, many of us were too busy wondering what our partner thought about our body, whether we were doing sex “right” or whether asking for something would make us look weird.

Then you hit your 40s and 50s and something starts happening.

You give fewer fucks.

And sexually, that can be a fantastic thing.

You may become more comfortable saying what feels good, what doesn't, what you'd like to try and what you have absolutely no interest in doing.

Your F*ck It List at 25 probably won't look like your list at 45.

Good.

You're not supposed to stop evolving.

So... What’s on Your F*ck It List?

Your sex life doesn't become interesting by accident.

Someone eventually has to say:

“Hey... wanna try something different?”

So consider this your homework.

Pour a glass of wine **or** go for a drive. We learned during the episode that apparently we need to be very specific about those being two separate activities.

Sit on the patio. Go out for dinner. Lie in bed together.

Then ask your partner:

What's something you've always wanted to try?

No pressure. No promises. No judgment.

Just curiosity.

Because the best relationships aren't necessarily the ones where two people magically know everything the other person wants.

They're the ones where they never stop asking.